I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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