No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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