before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
