so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
