oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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