Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
