i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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