is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I can feel your judgement through the phone
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