google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
