I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
