If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Farmville is her only friend.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
