i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
