why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
