Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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