You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
