also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
