So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
