I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Your shirt... Was in my pants
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