FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
