walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
