Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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