Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
