Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
We have so much sex to catch up on
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
