Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
