I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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