Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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