I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
