he shaved USA in his pubs
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
This baby is an asshole
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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