Small penises have feelings too.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I'm too high and old for this...
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
