I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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