I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
