I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Randomize
