Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
