so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
