So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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