just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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