They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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