so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
