final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
