You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
