is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
