woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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