I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
So much rum. So many feels.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
