the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
