i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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