I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
