Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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