mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
