do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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