her vagine was all disorganized.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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