So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
